i was reading somenone's blog and it allowed me to evoke some old feelings that i couldnt even pen down but now reading it. somehow comforting to know that the feeling was universal. glad i've moved on from that phase cause boy, you'd know it wasnt easy.

Thank you, I hate you, I'm sorry. Thank you because without your support, I wouldn't be here I wouldn't have stayed when things got hard. You wouldn't have believed that you could find a life.Thank you for the way you know me,for being my best friend for what feels like forever,and for raising the bar so high that I don't know where to begin.Thank you for knowing to let go before things got ugly.On some level, you must've known that forcing me to fly on my own would force you to fly too, to do the things you know you need. And maybe you even share the belief that our paths will join us together again, and for always.

I hate you for not wanting it badly enough,for not believing we could do this together,for not following through.I hate that you didn't have the balls to take a chance,to explore this place that's filled with dreams.I hate that you don't even seem to be doing the things that made you stay.I hate that the way you tell me how you feel almost always hurts,and that most of the time you just don't tell me at all.I hate that you are the only guy I can imagine loving,and you make letting ago seem so easy,like it doesn't hurt at all,like you don't ever cry.

I'm sorry I left the way I did,because of what it said to you:that I would always expect you to follow. I'm sorry I didn't see it like that.I thought paving the way would create an adventure that would change our lives.I'm sorry I didn't wait until you were ready,that I didn't think I could, so the decision didn't feel like yours. I'm sorry that it seemed like your opinion wasn't important,when nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sorry that I doubted our future, and made you doubt it too. I didn't know myself well enough. We both thought we'd have more time, and then I left. I'll always be sorry for that.

we know we've left that chapter for the better. take care H.
love.

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i feel like i've lost it all in a blink of the eye. now, im striving to go overseas, for the better.

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so my mama wanted me to drive her to sheng siong at about 8 plus. i had to wait for about half an hour while she shopped around. i wasnt complaining cause i was all ready with my book, the mile hi! club. truthfully, it was a long time since i had a good read.

February would be a month of parties and farewells. excitement and sadness. a short getaway in between. oh yeah, my new born niece too.

you know what, i had a whole chunk of things to blog before i switched on this laptop but suddenly i had to much distractions. i cant rmmbr what's the main storyline.

since the radio is playing the tunes that i can play on the guitar. i really miss it. it's sad i cant commit or rather, it isnt really my interest to play that good ol guitar full of dust in my room. the sense of accomplishment i felt was out of this world. i even rmmbrd that i played for sasha you're beautiful via webcam while she was in aussie. haha. my fav was collide. i love how i could play the whole song cause it had a good strumming rythm and cords. damn, i miss it alot.

goodnight, xoxo.

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